The 5 commandments of airport etiquette 870x430

The 5 Commandments of Airport Etiquette

Disclaimer: I am writing this in the departure hall of London Heathrow on what appears to be an extremely busy day (or a mass evacuation that no one told me about). As far as I’m concerned, everyone within a 10-mile radius should be banned from travelling. Including myself.

No, honestly, I appreciate that airports can be very frustrating. First of all, they move them further and further away from cities to the point that we now need an airplane to get to the airport. Secondly, security checks have become so complicated that you’re never really sure which item of clothing you will be asked to remove next. Thirdly, more people fly than ever before which is, by the way, a major contributor to climate change, but who am I to judge when I’m about to get on a plane myself?

The good thing is that some lovely people have come up with ideas to relieve the pressure. And these ideas are called rules. And we are meant to follow them. After all, against our better judgment, we are going to spend a fair amount of time trapped in a metal tin which pretends to be a bird so we might as well try to co-exist without pissing each other off. And here’s how to do just that.

Airport manners for the modern gentleman

1. Be prepared
Arrive on time, keep your travel documents within reach, check which items are forbidden onboard and don’t bring them. And please don’t be that person who tries to skip the queue because “their flight is leaving”. It’s not our fault that the flight is punctual and you are not.

2. Airport attire
You will need to whizz through security and then you might choose to indulge in some pre-flight prosecco in one of the departure lounge bars before spending hours in a tight space with little room to stretch your legs. So choose clothes and shoes that have the same qualities as our limited edition men’s suits: stylish and comfortable.

3. Be considerate
Keep your voice down, don’t kill people with your luggage, don’t take up more space than you need, don’t get drunk, don’t eat smelly food and leave the armrest to the person who is unlucky enough to sit in the middle. And, by the way, people who block the aisle at any point because they want to rummage through their suitcase or chat with friends sitting on the other end of the cabin, should have their right to fly revoked.

4. Are these yours?
Children get really bored on planes and babies panic because they don’t know what that funny feeling in their ears is. We understand and appreciate that parents can’t always appease their kids, unless they put them on medication which is frowned upon and possibly illegal. However, putting on your headphones to watch a movie while your kid is making someone’s flight hell is bad parenting, bad etiquette and bad karma.

5. If you want perks, pay for them
From priority queues to more hand luggage to the nice lounge with the freebies, some people pay to make their life easier. Others just try to wander into the wrong queue or lounge and hope no one finds out. Not being able to afford perks is fine, trying to get perks for free is cheap. And don’t pretend you don’t speak the language when you get found out. We know you know what you’ve done.

If you think this is just me having a well-deserved meltdown, you are right. But this blog is also part of our very useful series on travel etiquette. Why not check out our guide on how to pack your 3 piece suit in 6 easy steps or our very useful blog on how to take your suit wherever you go and make sure it doesn’t suffer?

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