The 11 Definitive Rules of Gift Giving Etiquette

The exchange of gifts is a social ritual that dates back thousands of years. We offer presents to cement relationships, indicate affection or celebrate special occasions. Yet this lovely gesture often fills us with dread in case we get it wrong. When should we show up with a present and for whom? How much should we spend and on what?

Purchasing a gift suggests the recipient is someone we appreciate and we shouldn’t let worrying turn it into a tedious chore. This is why we’ve gathered the definitive rules of gift giving etiquette that will answer all your questions

How to choose and give gifts like a gentleman

1. Stay within your means
You may wish to reciprocate an expensive gift or impress someone, e.g. at the start of a romance, but think twice. The right person will feel uncomfortable and the wrong person will develop expectations you won’t be able to meet. Instead, invest time and effort in finding something special without breaking the bank.

2. It’s their treat, not yours
Don’t buy a present based on what you’d want the recipient to have, wear or like. It’s all about them and you should offer them something they’ll enjoy, even if you don’t see why.

3. A material world?
More and more people are moving away from overconsumption. Rather than buying yet another thing they don’t need, why not book an experience or a nice dinner or even make a donation to a cause they’re passionate about?

4. Host gifts
You don’t have to buy a present every time someone invites you to their home but don’t show up empty-handed if there’s a meal involved or if they’re celebrating a special occasion. A bottle of wine, flowers or a fancy chocolate box are fine. You may even offer to make a dish but never bring food without asking the host first.

5. Put a ring on it
Jewellery should only be offered to your partner, children or other close family and it should only be done so privately. Nothing says bad taste like flaunting your real or imaginary wealth. Again, buy something they’d like and consider their sensitivities, e.g. many people now prefer ethically sourced precious stones.

6. Spoil them at your risk
You can buy anything you want for your own children because you’ll be the one keeping up with their increasing demands as they grow older. Other people’s kids though are another story. Never buy them expensive gifts, gadgets or sweet treats without checking with their parents first.

7. Wedding bells
Sometimes people have wedding lists or ask for money towards e.g. a honeymoon. Honour their wishes because they may not want to fill their home with stuff they neither asked for nor chose. You’re welcome to deviate from their suggestions if you’re confident they will enjoy your idea or if you’ve already discussed it with them.

8. Never mix business with pleasure
Take part in office initiatives, e.g. Secret Santa or leaving presents, but stick to the suggested amount. Managers may want to buy small gifts for their staff during the festive season but employees shouldn’t feel obliged to reciprocate. Regarding business contacts, there’s a fine line between a gift and a bribe and you don’t want to cross it.

9. Don’t Instagram gifts
Unless it’s a small but very thoughtful gift associated with a story you want to share, presents have no place on social media. Showing off your wealth or how much you spoil others is vulgar.

10. The re-gifting enigma
A present is worth more than money, it’s worth the time and thought someone invested in choosing it. You should avoid re-gifting, especially if the object is personalised. However, in the spirit of common sense and sustainability, you don’t have to keep or throw gifts you’ll not use. Consider donating them.

11. Looks matter
People love unwrapping and opening presents, not least because it indicates that someone cared enough to make gift giving an experience in itself. So do make some time to give your gift a more personal touch by wrapping it and presenting it with the fanfare it deserves.

Gift giving is more about the thought than the price tag. Yes, there may be moments in life when splashing out is in order, e.g. buying your son’s first business suit or ordering the earrings that your partner has been staring at online for days, but time is more precious than money. And taking the time to find that special little thing that is just right for that person is worth more than all the cash in the world. Offer your present without expecting anything in return and be grateful that you have people worth spoiling in your life.